Serotonin Levels
by Earendil Eldar
Summary: After "Bearing Gifts". It's been a rough few months, to put it mildly, and Ianto is still not feeling entirely positive about things. At some point, though, he'll need to make a decision about how to carry on.


It had been just a couple days since Torchwood's last incursion-by-deceptive-romantic-interest incident. Tosh was getting past it alright, mostly just angry with herself for letting Mary manipulate her so thoroughly. Ianto wished he had better advice to share with her, but their situations were different enough that he feared most of what he might say would ring false.

Instead, Ianto thought it better to keep his head down, get on with his work, not do anything to make himself obvious… as usual. Nearly nothing had changed in that regard during Ianto's time off. In some ways, it was infuriating. Most of the time, though, it made things that much easier. Ianto never had liked being fussed over, he preferred dealing with his problems on his own, and always had.

Early that morning when he made his way to his workstation, tucked away in the blessedly quiet archives, Ianto found on his otherwise clear desk two bars of rather high-quality, extra-dark chocolate. Really good chocolate had once been a weekly indulgence of his. Like some people would go home on a Friday evening and open a bottle of wine, Ianto Jones had often enjoyed starting off a weekend with a quiet book and bar of 88% cacao. It had been a long time, though… months.

Ianto knew he hadn't left chocolate on his own desk and picked them up, curious. There was a little slip of paper between the two bars with a note, in Jack's measured script:

 _Good for your serotonin levels_.

Ianto slowly set the chocolate back down, remembering all too clearly saying those same words the last time he had some chocolate on hand. Of course, he'd been saying it to a pteranodon at the moment.

Could Jack possibly know just how off his serotonin levels had been ever since…. And especially lately. He knew perfectly well he hid it from absolutely everyone how he felt on a daily basis. He kept his thoughts and feelings utterly to himself.

Ianto sat down heavily, realizing that Tosh's pendant must have picked up things he wasn't even conscious of thinking. Had Tosh really said something to Jack, though? That definitely didn't seem like her. There had been a few times that she had, quite unobtrusively, just asked Ianto right out if he was doing alright. Of course, he had always shrugged it off, said he was fine. So maybe if she learned otherwise, she would talk to Jack about it, figuring Ianto would downplay any concern.

Or was it completely coincidental and he was just getting paranoid about everyone making judgments about him? Or was this just the latest gambit in a series of surprisingly subtle gestures that seemed to indicate that Jack was still interested in pursuing some kind of… _something_ between them?

Leaning back and staring up at the ceiling, Ianto felt exhausted before the day even began and decided it was definitely time to stop thinking and go make coffee.

Ianto had barely got the coffee canister open before Jack materialized at the top of the stairs beside his office. "Thought I heard you come in. Good morning."

Jack sounded rather chipper, which always rather confused Ianto in the morning. "Hi," he responded. "You're having a cup, presumably?" he said, turning over Jack's striped mug.

"Of course," Jack nodded, taking up residence against the rail at the bottom of the stairs.

"Thanks for the chocolate, by the way," Ianto said.

"You're welcome," Jack said, smiling softly. "It is for _you_ , incidentally. Not the pterodactyl."

"Right, yeah," Ianto said, concentrating on measuring the coffee. "Um… don't know what Tosh might have said, but I'm really -"

Jack's hand on Ianto's shoulder stopped him. "She didn't say much, nothing specific, just that she was worried you were having a tough time. And, honestly, I've been wanting ask, too. But I know you don't like being fussed…."

Ianto cleared his throat and turned back to the coffee again. "I'm fine. Really."

"It's also ok if you're occasionally not," Jack said, shifting his hand to rest between Ianto's shoulders. "You've got to be honest with yourself about those things, regardless of what you tell anybody else. That's the only way you'll be able to recognize when you need to take a little extra care. Gotta keep those serotonin levels up," he said with a mild grin.

The connection from Jack's hand on his back was making Ianto feel warmer inside than he had in far too long. It was a feeling he wasn't sure he was comfortable with anymore. Not just because of the patently unusual circumstances of their 'relationship', but also because positive touch had once again grown foreign to him.

"Jack… I-I don't think I'm…," Ianto said haltingly.

"It's ok," Jack said, slowly withdrawing his hand. "I didn't expect you to be. I just want you to know, it's ok."

Ianto frowned, now wishing Jack hadn't pulled his hand away as he'd said that. He could almost believe it when Jack said it, and Ianto remembered how Jack's touch always had the effect of underscoring whatever he said. When he thought about it, he was sure that _some_ things had been ok, very ok, even, when he and Jack were… doing whatever it was they were doing.

Ianto found himself daydreaming about Jack kissing that spot where his jaw met his throat, convincing him that everything would be alright after all. It wasn't just chocolate that did good things for serotonin, and Ianto decided he was going to have to find some way of sorting out with himself which was really going to be more efficacious remedy – sweet indulgences, or freely-offered, positive human contact.


End file.
